What Am I Without You?
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: He'd thought she was his forever.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise. **

**Challenges listed at the bottom. **

_Written for Hogwarts Assignment 1 - Muggle Music, Task 5 - A Break-Up _

**Word Count** \- 1382

_Beta'd by Amber _

* * *

**What Am I Without You? **

* * *

He gifted her a rose, and she broke his heart.

"Why are you saying this? I don't understand, we were doing _great, _Andie!"

She shook her head, his lips twisting slightly in a way that Rabastan knew meant she was forcing back emotions until she was alone. She was rolling the rose between her fingers in agitation. He wanted to reach out and still her movements, but he didn't dare.

He wouldn't be able to handle her flinching away from him.

"Andie—"

"It's done, Rab," she murmured.

He watched her walk away. She didn't look back once.

…

"_Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?" he begged, smirking when she rolled her eyes at him before she gestured to one of the younger students to pass the plate down the table. _

"_Remind me why I like you again?" she asked, handing over the plate with a put upon sigh. _

"_It's my charm," he replied, stacking his plate up. "Obviously." _

"_Yeah… that's what it is." _

…

He was frozen in place long after the sounds of her feet echoing on the steps leading down the Astronomy tower faded away.

He just didn't understand what had gone wrong. As far as he was concerned, they were in love. He'd asked his father to offer the Blacks a contract for Andromeda's hand in marriage.

He'd been planning their _life _together.

A beautiful house, the conservatory that she'd dreamed of, decorated in shades of cream and coral just as she'd wanted. Kids, two, maybe even three. At least one boy and one girl. He'd _dreamt _of cradling a little girl with Andromeda's warm brown eyes.

Of teaching their little boy how to be a man.

He just…. He didn't understand.

…

"_You know, this is my favourite place in the whole castle," she said, leaning back against his chest. "It doesn't matter what time of year it is, it's always beautiful up here." _

_Rabastan glanced around the deserted Astronomy Tower before he looked back at Andromeda. "It's my favourite place at the moment." _

"_At the moment?" _

"_Hmm. Wherever you are is my favourite place." _

_She turned to look up at him, a faint blush on her cheeks. "You're a sap." _

_The look on his face made him bold enough to press a long kiss to her lips. _

…

Rabastan sat with his back to the wall, his eyes on the stars. They'd spent a lot of time up here, stargazing, kissing, cuddling. Just being them, without the pressures of being perfect.

Except, Andromeda was always at her best here. He loved her when she felt free and easy, utterly comfortable. He only ever saw that Andromeda when they were alone together.

Now, he'd never see her again.

He knew that tomorrow, when they passed one another in the corridors, that he would be seeing Andromeda Black. Not his Andie.

…

_He pressed a kiss to her temple. "You're an angel." _

_She snorted and looked down at her book. "I've been called many things, an angel isn't one of them." _

"_Then everyone else is clearly and idiot or blind. Or both." _

"_Finish your essay, idiot," she replied fondly. "And hush, or you're going to get us thrown out of the library… again." _

"_That was one time—" _

"_And I'd really like it not to be repeated, so hush." _

_Rabastan grinned and looked back down at his parchment for a moment before he turned his gaze back to Andromeda. "I love you, you know." _

_She blinked, eyes wide as she looked up at him. He'd never said it before. _

"_I… I love you too. Now, _hush."

…

Tears spilled from his eyes. She'd often took his breath away, but this time, it hurt. He was breathless in the worst way, like she'd taken away his oxygen supply when she'd left the tower.

He felt _lost. _

He wanted to know _why. _If he knew why, then maybe he could change things. Could reassure her, make her come back and love him the way he loved her.

The way he'd always loved her.

Why hadn't that been enough?

…

"_What on earth are you doing?" _

"_Wishing on a star," Rabastan replied, his eyes closed. "But I can't tell you, because then it won't come true." _

_She giggled, and he felt her shift beside him. "You know that's an old witch's tale, made for children, right?" _

"_Who says that means it's not true?" He opened his eyes to look at her, and found her smiling at him in that way that he knew meant she was putting up with his childishness only because she loved him. _

_It was one of his favourites of her smiles. _

"_I was going to wish for you to hold me hostage in your dungeon of pleasure, but I figured I could convince you to do that anyway. What do you think?" _

"_Hmm. I can get behind having you as my willing hostage," she agreed, a charmingly deadly smile replacing the one she'd had before. _

_This was one of his favourites too—he thought that all of her smiles were probably his favourites. _

…

What he wouldn't give for her to walk back up the stairs. He'd do anything for her to step back through the door, to tell him that she'd made a mistake.

That of course she loved him, and that it was just a momentary lapse into insanity.

He didn't know what he was going to do if she didn't. He'd planned his life around, given her his heart so entirely that if she didn't return it, he was going to be left with nothing.

Then again, without Andromeda, what did he really have anyway?

….

_He was old, his bones creaked when he moved, he ached in places he didn't even know could ache. Azkaban hadn't been kind to him, and being on the run… he was too old for it. _

_He had days, at best. _

_He had to see her, one last time. _

_She was sitting in the garden, a little boy playing in the grass close by. She watched him with a small smile on her face. She was older now, but still just as beautiful as she'd always been. _

_The sunshine seemed to make her eyes sparkle, and for the first time, it made Rabastan grateful for the heatwave that had swept across England. She wore a simple dress with lace edging, and it made him _want _in a way he'd forgotten he could feel. _

_He recognised the moment she felt his gaze on her, because she turned her head sharply in his direction, eyes widening slightly when she saw him. Even from the distance he stood, he could see the defiance in her eyes, and her fear for the child, when she glanced his way. _

_Rabastan would never hurt a child. It had been a line he'd never crossed, and one connected to Andromeda? He'd rather die. _

_He held his hands up in surrender, and, with another glance at the child, she stepped cautiously towards Rabastan. _

"_What are you doing here?" she demanded, eyes narrowing as she took in his appearance. She looked as deadly now as she had all those years ago when she'd been telling him off for trying the muggle cigarettes with the other boys. _

"_I needed to know," he whispered, his voice rough and croaky. "I needed to know why you left me." _

_Her eyes widened and then softened. "Oh, Rab." _

"_Please, Andie. I need to know why you left me. What did I do wrong?" _

_She shook her head. "You did nothing wrong. I…" she reached out for his left arm and with little struggle, ripped his black robe to reveal the faded dark mark still etched against his skin. "Do you know how easy it would have been for you to convince me to take this mark? Too easy, Rab. I couldn't… it wasn't a life I wanted, even though I wanted you. And you… you were set on this path." _

"_You could have spoken to me! I would've… Andie, I would have done _anything _to keep you." _

"_You believed in him," she replied simply. "And I didn't. I loved you, and I know you loved me but… love isn't always enough." _

"_It could have been. For us." _

"_But it wasn't." _

* * *

**Written for: **

Disney - S4. Write about wishing on a star

Space - 1. Breathless

Book Club - Ivory Queen - Lace / Rose / Hostage

Attic - 29. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

Scamander - 10. Black

Basement - 8. Sunshine

Film Festival - 4. Black

Days Of The Year - 10. Meteor Day - Someone stargazing

Summer - 18. Heatwave

Colour - 5. Coral

Element - 3. Sparkle

Mix It Up - Andromeda / Lost

Gryffindor: Trait - 9. Bold

365\. 155. Deadly


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